After hearing about the unfortunate death by suicide in the veteran community this week, and numerous beacons of concern for welfare going up; We thought it worth putting a piece together to try and help you, if you a concerned someone you know may be having thoughts of suicide.
Just like on operations when a hostile engagement begins and things go noisy it is referred to as a contact.
Let’s use that and take the fight to the enemy.
C - Calm, Confident and Clear - Behaviour and moods can be infectious. If you are jittery this could lead to a person not making a disclosure as they may feel if they are honest you may struggle with the disclosure. This is a tough subject and it's ok to be a little scared and uncomfortable discussing it.
The more calm and confident you are the more comfortable of an environment you create.
The more calm and confident you are the more comfortable of an environment you create.
Express your concern for the person, but ask the questions clearly. If a person is in a lot of pain, taking their own life may not seem like a “stupid” or “daft” thing to do. It also minimises the issue.
There’s no evidence to suggest you’ll be giving them ideas.
A bit like if someone asks you if you have a face tattoo. If you weren’t already thinking about it you aren’t going likely to just go and get one.
O - Offending them? (Don't fear it) - Many people get worried that they will offend someone if they ask if they’ve been having suicidal thoughts.
It’s just a question. Ruling it out.
We wouldn’t get offended by a doctor requesting we do a blood test just to rule anything sinister out if we were unwell. This is no different.
Also, if they "Clam up" and don't engage further this could be an indication that you need to explore further.
N - Not alone - Explain with sensitivity that they aren’t alone. Statistically it's thought, around 1 in 5 of us have had suicidal thoughts. This could be higher if we take into account this is disclosures.
T - Team effort - While every effort should be made to maintain confidentiality you should avoid being the only person who knows about this. Especially if they have actually gone as far as making a plan to hurt themself. This may require some time and discussing options. There will be other people within the network who can be told. Friends, family, their GP, colleagues etc try to explore as many options as possible.
A - Access Support - There are some great resources online (we have some links on our site) or this could be from occupational health or employee assistance programme. If you are concerned for their welfare you can contact your local crisis team or the emergency services. Many areas have amazing local charities that provide suicide intervention.
C - Care and compassion - The most important thing in this conversation is for the person to know you care. Know they aren't being judged, and know they are supported. A few top tips are:
- Avoid judging their thoughts and expressing negative opinions you have.
- Minimising their problems and giving empty statements "Don't worry" "Cheer up" "It's not that bad"
T - Things will get better - This is a vital message. Better days can and will come.
If you need to access any support please head to our "support" page for more.